if you like me you must not know who I am
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
