i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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