sarcasm needs its own font
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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