Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
