There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
one might say we're banned from that church
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
