Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
