The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
