the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
And then he peed in my hair
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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