I wanna bring you to show and tell
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
