Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
