She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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