Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
