we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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