member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
