mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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