So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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