i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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