we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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