bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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