I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
