I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
