Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
