Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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