i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
