Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
