the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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