I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize