He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
