i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
