Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
