Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
