Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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