just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
