if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
