She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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