If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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