We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
