last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
