i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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