Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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