Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
