Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
