just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
