He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
