I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
