ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
