RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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