TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
