i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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