She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we should paint friendship bongs
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