Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
