Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
