yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
