I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
