Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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