why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
