I need to stop coming to work sober
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
