Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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