there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
