I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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