Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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