I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
