Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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