I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
