I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
